Spawater Chronicles

Over two thousand years ago the Romans came, saw and conquered Britain.
They stayed for a few hundred years, give or take, until rising Villa
prices, the ferociousness of the local lions and the quality of home-brewedwine convinced them to take all roads back to Rome.
No Romans remained. Britain, both sides of Hadrian’s Wall, became a
Roman-free zone. Except….

 

There was one little town
where the Roman bugle-song anthem of retreat,
‘Legitus Quickitus’, was not heard. One town where the Romans and the
locals, ears full of soap, were so busy splashing around together they
missed the thunder of the departing last night chariots of fire. And as
there were no cabs due for another 15 hundred years – and that’s if you
believe the cab office – the town’s Romans decided to stay.
The town grew, thriving on the naturally occurring spa waters, nurtured by
the river Fons and hardened by the combination of original Brits and Roman
bath lovers. The last bastion of the Roman Empire, it is now a mighty town
indeed.
The town’s name? Spawater, home of the legendary Spawater Baths.
The Spawater Chronicles are the tales of its citizens, and how they take on
the world.

series of seven, relating the adventures of a group of friends, descendants of the Romans, in the old Roman town of Spawater. It tells how they handle cruelty to battered chickens and cruelty to intelligent television viewers.

 

 

 

Identity Cards (Volume two) sees the introduction of Identity Cards to Spawater. Up with this the Romans shall not put.

 

 

 

 

Casino (Volume three) and the government wish to build a Super Casino in town. This entails flattening Lifeboats’, the friends’ drinking club, for a car park.
It also means demolishing the Spawater Refuge Centre, home of victims of gambling, drinking and drugs, world famous locally as Losers’ Corner. The friends object – Lifeboats’ is their second home.

 

 

 

Gone Fission (Volume four) tells the story of the government’s attempt to build a nuclear power station in the Spawater hills just outside town. Meanwhile, environmentalists plan to steal nuclear waste and drop in in the Rain Forests. That’ll stop folk cutting them down…

 

 

 

Vote Alison MEP (Volume five) finds Jady inviting Alison, everyone’s favourite Spawaterian, to be his candidate to run for Member of the European Parliament.
‘But I know nothing about politics and nothing about the European Union,’ protested Alison, baffled. ‘Then you are the perfect candidate.’
Volumes six and seven are under construction.

 

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